Well, it's been some time, hasn't it? But here's the rest of the story...
So, reality hit my family like a big brick falling on our heads. We were crushed and in pain.
So many emotions and thoughts ran through our minds. Anger, despair, disbelief, guilt and overwhelming sadness. We knew nothing of the road we were about to take, nothing about its twists and turns...we were just standing there, facing the road, without a GPS...
So, my son stayed 2 days in the ICU, and then the nurses moved him to the intensive care pediatric ward. He was finally receiving what he needed so desperately...INSULIN. His small body hooked up to the big insulin pump was a scary sight for us. But we knew, he was out of danger.
We met the endocrinologists and were surprised to see that they were friendly. The nurses were also so kind, asking me if I needed anything, and very warm to my son.
Then they hit us with another brick...my son would be wearing an insulin pump hooked up with a cannula on his behind. And WE would have to learn how to change the cannula ourselves at home, and WE would have to test him several times a day, by poking his fingers, and WE would have to learn how to administer Glucagon ourselves, in case of severe hypoglycemia. WE WOULD HAVE TO LEARN all this...how??? We were not nurses, we had no idea how to do this...
We listened and watched as the nurses taught us things we never saw before, things we never imagined before, things we never wanted to know...and all, in front of my boy, whose eyes watched as his protective parents suddenly became the ones poking his little fingers, changing the cannula while he screamed...his parents who are not supposed to hurt him, suddenly had to, to keep him alive...how do find peace with this? Our hearts were aching, but the automatic pilot started setting in, and we learned slowly.
We also learned we would have to know more about nutrition than we ever thought...counting carbohydrates and learning how much units of insulin to give for them. Two years on, it's become a habit, but at the time, we never, ever imagined we would get the hang of it.
So, one week later, we were allowed to go home...with the bricks following us...
1 comment:
Oh my gosh, your blog is so heart rending - it brings back all the feelings I had when my son was first diagnosed. I actually had an all out panic attack in the middle of the night the first night I stayed with my son in the hospital. I felt so out of control - I thought I was having a heart attack! The nurses were very kind. I felt guilty for taking up their time when they were supposed to be caring for my son. They said, "when a child comes onto our unit, the whole family becomes our patient". Of course this made me feel so much better! Will you continue to blog? And is there any way those of us with blogs can let each other know that we are blogging?
Diabetesmother
www.diabetesmother.blogspot.com
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