We received a new insulin pump recently.
Let me tell you. I feel like I'm back to the same day as diagnosis day. The fear of the pump, and having to learn how it works. I know how it works. I can use it. But it's the change factor, the new factor. It's making me nauseaus. Or it may be the heat. It's really hot here now. But I think it's the pump.
It takes me back to the day when the nurse came to the hospital room and told us "Here, let's put the insulin pump on your son.". Lovely. Not.
And here we are, over 3 years into this rocky D road, and an insulin pump makes me feel very small. Again.
I guess because it makes me face my biggest enemy - change. The one thing I love. And hate. I love change, but I don't like the process of change. If that makes sense. It does to me, anyway.
And above all it is the symbol that we are still in Holland. Mind you, I've been to Holland, and, besides the food, it is a lovely place. But too much Holland can be hazardous to your sanity.
So, I'm left with pressing buttons on the pump, and adjusting to it. There sure is a lot of button pressing in Holland.
That's a lot of pressure.
I want Italy sometimes. Ok...most times.