Monday, November 30, 2009

To selfish or not or U-Turn

I want to be selfish. Really, I do. Not that I am not already, but I think I could brush up on being selfish for real. At least until I don't feel like it anymore.
So, I'm thinking the first step is (and take a seat, this is shocking!) to think of myself for once. Amazing thought, isn't it?
I have not been good to myself. Rather, I have neglected my needs and my wants for several years now. I am a problem-solver, not in the mathematical way (I'm hopeless there, but do well-enough with diabetes related stuff). I solve problems all the time, give feedback all the time when asked, come up with solutions, answers, figure out the why and the how.
Even as a kid, I would make everything right. Why? Because it was expected and because I was like a little hero, coming in to save the day.

I refuse to wear the cape. It doesn't suit me. It's too tight (later post) and I don't like the green. Burgundy or deep orange suite me better. Earth tones too. And flowers. I want it to look like Little-Red Riding Hood's cloak, but my size.

Anyway, forget about the cape. I DON'T WANT IT ANYMORE. (I have to repeat that. Self-sublimination, if such a word exists).

So, where do I start on my selfish journey?
I have no idea where to start. Maybe it's like writing. You either can or you can't.
This is very symbolic. Me, not being able to find my direction. Ha!
I'll just drive around in the meantime.

Oh, and I also want attitude. Not sure which kind yet, but a good one.

PS - Don't be surprised if I don't write too much about life in the D lane from now on. It's normal. I have made a U-turn. Time to get my life back...

...wherever it is.

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