Update

Well, here's what happened at the endo appointment.

I cried. A lot.

Currently dusting myself off.

Nervous Wreck

Seeing the endocrinologist (endo) tomorrow! Need I say more?

I am soooo nervous...and guilty. I've not been a very good "student" lately. Unfortunately I can't influence the "teacher" (endo) with an apple. Sigh!

I'm going through my thoughts on how to approach the appointment, and all I can come up with, besides bawling like a baby, is to keep it real.

I'm going through burn-out in a way. Haven't been logging consistently. Haven't been adjusting insulin needs fast enough. Haven't been strict enough. I feel so darn guilty about all this.

Wish me luck! Well, not really...wish me to have the guts to keep it real...and not cry.

It could be worse...

This is what I often hear, as I am sure do many other parents of a child who has Type 1 Diabetes. Not what we need to hear. Trust me. Let me tell you why.

The feelings we have, as parents, are real. They need to be validated.
When someone tells us "It could be worse." it makes those feelings less important.

So you may say "Give me a break. It could be worse, because it really could be worse. So, think positive, and move on. Don't wallow in self-pity."

I know that. I am aware of that. But you haven't validated my feelings at all.
Is it not ok for me to have those feelings? Is it not ok for me to sometimes feel overwhelmed? Am I supposed to always be on the top of the world? No. We're just human after all. Aren't you?

So, next time someone tells you something and your first instinct is to say "It could be worse.", think twice and just say "It's ok. I understand."

We all know it could be worse. No need to remind us of that.

We just need a listening ear sometimes.

Thanks for reading.

Viewing Point

Kids are amazing.

Get this - my kid has a pen-pal, another kid the same age, diagnosed the same year (different months though). So we received the first letter today. Very exciting stuff!

So you would think my kid would be totally amazed at knowing that somewhere in this planet of ours, there is another kid who has Type 1 Diabetes just like him, and has to go through infusion set site changes, just like him, and whose blood glucose level has to be tested several times a day and night), just like him. Right? I thought he would be very excited about that.

Well, turns out my son just wanted to know how his pen-pal managed to send the letter. He asked if there was a special machine that takes the letters and makes them appear over here.

So I explained about airplanes and the postal service.

So now, my kid is anxious to get a letter ready to post, so I can tell him again how the postal service works.

Imagine that...D is not first and foremost in his head! Guess there's a lesson in there, isn't there?

The Other Side

Gosh, I have been so uninspired to write lately. Blogger's Block, I guess! So, I'll be randomly writing about whatever. There you go! Randomness...the other side of life.

This week has been...hmmm...annoying?? Good word. Annoying it is. I call it "bad hair week", "Monday's suck every day week". I'm glad it's over.

I was not in the best of moods, and I guess that attracted all the rude people to me, just to push my annoyance buttons a little bit more. And they succeeded. They were everywhere. Like flies. I'll have to try covering up further annoyance with a smile next time.

One very positive thing did happen. My kid with Type 1 Diabetes went on an all-day field-trip, and he had a blast. Of course, I was in anxiety-mode, as every parent of a kid with this disease has the right to be. But he had fun, the blood glucose levels were on their best behaviour, and I survived. So, 1 huge point for this crappy week.

I miss my sleep. It has become such an exotic word. SLEEP! Look at it. Read it. Let it roll off your tongue slowly. Beautiful, hey? I agree! Such a sweet and inviting word. Gosh, how I wish to have a pyjama day...for a whole week! Now THAT would be a great week. Sleep, get up late, mope around in my pjs, watch non-intellectual programs, read the latest gossip, then SLEEP again.

What else in this randomness of thoughts?? Hmmm, guess that's all really. Just thought I would blog (is this an official verb??) a bit, in case anyone missed me.

Til next time, hopefully soon.

A special place

Just a few words of gratitude to all those who have made me feel less alone in this journey dealing with my son's disease.

Thank you so much! Although I have not met any of you yet in person, you all hold a special place in my heart.

This is where they all "live":

http://www.childrenwithdiabetes.com/

Time to get humble

It's been a hard time emotionally.
Today was the regular apppointment to see the endocrinologist (endo. for short).
The usual stuff is done - checking weight, height and the HbA1c (A1c for short) (google it if you want).
Well the A1c went up, and that put a real damper on my spirits. I knew it would be higher than last time, but was hoping it wouldn't. Sigh...

So, after sulking for a couple of hours about how I hate this disease, and how much work it entails, I put back my fighting gear, asked for help from a forum board I visit often (ok, I practically live there) and am ready to fight this monster again.

This is what is so interesting about Type 1 Diabetes - you think you know, then the disease forces you to accept you may not know it all. So, you're constantly developing new fighting strategies, new ways to keep the enemy at bay.

And in this process, learning how human we all are and that sometimes we need to back down from our noble steed, let go of our previous war gear, and find new battling methods.

This, fully aware that what has worked may not next time, and what you think may work, may actually backfire.

Humility mixed with boldness - what a paradox really!